Things I’ve learned so far, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Olympics

1. Being a volunteer and working 3pm-1am shifts leaves you in a permanent state of tiredness.

   
   
   2.       The only time you’re not tired is during the shift itself, when the adrenalin keeps you going.
   
   
   3.       They don’t readily sell adrenalin in high street stores.
   
   
   4.       Wetherspoons is not particularly conducive to high-quality writing. Dickens had Gadshill Place, Shakespeare shared his time between London and Stratford. I’ve got the Webb Ellis pub in Twickenham.
   
   
   5.       To work for G4S you have to either be a simpleton or a wanker.
   
   
   6.       Elderly Chinese men always know best.
   
   
   7.       Brits love a bit of honesty. ‘Is that the only water fountain?’ ‘Yeah sorry mate, crap, isn’t it’.
   
   

   

   School in the morning

   8.       No matter how weather-beaten and aged my face becomes, someone will always joke that I have school in the morning.
   
   
   9.       Yelling the same message repeatedly becomes a whole lot more fun when you attempt different accents.
   
   
   10.   Listening in on walkie-talkies is addictive. Hearing the word ‘diplomatic incident’ over the airwaves is one of the highlights of the Games for me, along with Farah’s final lap and Kazakhstan-gate. More on that in a later blog.
   
   
   11.   There are a lot more female volunteers than male in the Event Services (‘Face of the Games’) team. Clearly I’m one of the more smiley blokes out there… A victory for the cynical man.
   
   
   12.   Spectators think they’re the only ones to have shouted ‘NEW BALLS PLEASE’ when you’re sat up on an umpire’s chair.
   
   
   13.   Everyone loves a man in Games maker uniform. I’ve not had this many people smile at me since I went out in white shorts in the rain.