Noel

One-way ticket to Hell itself

3rd August

Very little happened at work today. I had a run-in with a Frenchman who was averse to the fact that ‘zee London 2012 logo is everywhere’ (yeah, and don’t you forget it, mon ami), but other than that, it went without much to note.

This entry, therefore, will focus primarily on my trip to see We Will Rock You with Noel from former manufactured pop band Hearsay.

We Will Rock You tells the story of the Shakespearean rise and fall of Hearsay, from the early days of Popstars to the Kym Marsh fall-out, and their instrumental but often untold role in the development of music. One thing that is often overlooked in the analysis of Hearsay’s legacy is their part in the destruction of one of the world’s most popular forms of entertainment.

Music.

Hearsay were fine as a group of individuals. Think England’s 2006 World Cup squad. Kym, Danny, Suzanne, Myleene, all great people, but Noel from Hearsay, he was the real problem.

Tweet from Noel the night of performance. Clearly I was too angry to notice he'd 'dryed'.

He was bland. And a popstar can’t be bland. Leek and potato soup is bland- it’s nice, but it can never be more than that. It is just soup.

Pure and simple.

Now I’m not implying that Noel from Hearsay is an unpolishable turd.

But he is.

Of course, We Will Rock You has a dual meaning, cleverly intertwined by writer Ben Elton. It’s about the fall of another band, Queen, down to manufactured bands and people like Noel from Hearsay. You can see this sad irony is not lost on Noel from Hearsay. Not only has he caused the death of music, and arguably the destruction of mankind, but he’s now butchering Freddie Mercury’s Greatest Hits. I’m not suggesting that Noel from Hearsay has gone out of his way to find the easiest way to convey a calculated insult to the dead.

But I think he has.